I got a text from my office manager, telling me of some decisions that would affect my schedule. Changes I didn’t want, changes I didn’t like, changes I decided to get angry over. I felt the heat start somewhere in my midsection and then rise up into my face and head, like an old fashioned thermometer. I started pacing around, my mind racing. Instead of sinking to my knees in prayer, which at this point in my spiritual walk I should know to do, I stalked to the phone.
I called my poor unsuspecting mother and ranted and raved at the injustice I was suffering. When she tried to insert some calm and reason into my monologue, I abruptly hung up. (If you know my saintly mother, insert a GASP here-my children certainly did when I admitted my bad behavior to them)
I went to bed angry and I think the reason Ephesians 4:26 warns us not to do that is because at about three in the morning, you always awaken to the fact that you acted like a fool.
It was at that hour of the morning that I finally had the conversation with the Lord that I should have had when I received the text from my manager. I admitted to Him that what that text really incited in me was fear. And that in fearing what was happening at work, when I got down to the core of the matter, I didn’t trust Him to take care of me.
Conviction of sin is a beautiful gift from God. It is that nagging sensation that something is not right in your soul and in your relationship with the Lord. It is a warning light on the dashboard of your spirit saying "Stop." I felt convicted of my sin, I admitted I wasn't trusting God's faithfulness and I asked His forgiveness. (Don't worry; I apologized to my mom too!)
The next day I asked God if He ever tires of forgiving me. Does He ever want to say, "Sister, you are wearing me out!" Does He really remove my sins as far as east is from west?
He answered by using my Nook. A Nook is an e-reader by Barnes and Noble and mine had stopped working. I'm sure it was my fault as technology and I have a love/hate relationship. I had somehow snarled my Nook into a knot of electronic death and wasn't sure it would ever recover. I decided to Google the solution and by pressing two buttons simultaneously while holding my breath and jumping on one leg, my Nook came back to life. It then asked me a beautiful question, "Restore to Factory settings?"
And God spoke. He is our Creator, the human heart Factory Foreman. He knows we need Him when we get our lives snarled and twisted and, like the perfect Father that He is, it gives Him pleasure when we bring it to Him to fix. He does not tire of forgiving us because He knows how we are made.
Psalm 103:13-14 As a father has compassion on His children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him; for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust.
So how about you? Any lights blinking on the dashboard of your soul? Bring the problem to your Father; He is faithful to restore the human heart to His factory settings.
Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s Psalm 103: 1-5